Dear Mom and Dad,
Since I left for college I have been remiss in writing and I am sorry for not writing you sooner, I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. You are NOT to read any further unless you are sitting down.
Okay?
Well then, I am getting along pretty well NOW. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival is pretty well healed, now. I only spent about two weeks in the hospital; and now I can see almost normal again. I only get these terrifying headaches once a day now!
Fortunately, an attendant of a gas station near the dorm witnessed the fire, and my jump. He was the one who called the fire department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital; since I had nowhere to live because the dorm burned down, he has been kind enough to let me share his apartment with him.
It's really a basement room, but it's kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning on getting married. We haven't got the exact date yet, but it will be before the pregnancy begins to show. Yes, mother and dad, I am pregnant!
I know how much you are looking forward to becoming grandparents and know that you will welcome the baby and give it the same love, devotion, and tender care you gave me when I was a child. The reason for the delay in marriage is that my boyfriend has a minor infection, which prevents us from passing the blood tests, and I carelessly caught it from him. I know that you will welcome him into our family with open arms even though. He is kind, and although not well educated, he is ambitious. Although he is a different religion and ethnic background than ours, I know your often expressed tolerance will not permit you to be bothered by these small facts.
Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no dorm fire. I did not have a concussion or a skull fracture. I was not in the hospital. I am not pregnant, and I am not engaged. I am not infected, and there isn't even a boyfriend in my life!
However, I am getting a D in Calculus and an F in Chemistry and I want to be sure you see those marks in their proper perspective.
Your loving daughter,
Susie
--Author Unknown