Letter From College
Dear Mom and Dad,
Since I left for college I have been remiss in
writing and I am sorry for not writing you
sooner, I will bring you up to date now,
but before you read on, please sit down. You are
NOT to read any further unless you are sitting
Well then, I am getting along pretty well NOW. The
skull fracture and the concussion I got when I
jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it
caught fire shortly after my arrival is pretty
well healed, now. I only spent about two weeks in
the hospital; and now I can see almost normal
again. I only get these terrifying headaches once
a day now!
Fortunately, an attendant of a gas station near the
dorm witnessed the fire, and my jump. He was the
one who called the fire department and the
ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital;
since I had nowhere to live because the dorm
burned down, he has been kind enough to let me
share his apartment with him.
It's really a basement room, but it's kind of cute.
He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply
in love and are planning on getting married. We
haven't got the exact date yet, but it will be
before the pregnancy begins to show. Yes, mother
and dad, I am pregnant!
I know how much you are looking forward to becoming
grandparents and know that you will welcome the
baby and give it the same love, devotion, and
tender care you gave me when I was a child. The
reason for the delay in marriage is that my
boyfriend has a minor infection, which prevents
us from passing the blood tests, and I carelessly
caught it from him. I know that you will welcome
him into our family with open arms even though.
He is kind, and although not well educated, he is
ambitious. Although he is a different religion
and ethnic background than ours, I know your
often expressed tolerance will not permit you to
be bothered by these small facts.
Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to
tell you that there was no dorm fire. I did not
have a concussion or a skull fracture. I was not
in the hospital. I am not pregnant, and I am not
engaged. I am not infected, and there isn't even
a boyfriend in my life!
However, I am getting a D in Calculus and an F in
Chemistry and I want to be sure you see those
marks in their proper perspective.
Your loving daughter,